Konark Modi- My era is about to Begin !

February 24, 2010

Application form for Indian Elections!!!(AWESOME)

Posted by Animesh Kumar to itsAnimesh's posterous!!!

1.Name of Candidate: ____________ _________

2.Present Address:
(i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________
(ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________

3.Political Party *List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order): ____________ ____________ ____________ ____________ ____________

4.Sex: [ ]
    A- Male
    B- Female
    C- Mayawati
    D- Uma Bharathi

5.Nationality: [ ]
A- Italian
B- Indian

6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
    A- Defected
    B- Expelled
    C- Bought out
    D- None of above
    E- All of above

7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
(If you choose D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized Government Psychiatrist)
    A- To make money
    B- To escape court trial
    C- To grossly misuse power
    D- To serve the public
    E- I have no clue

8.How many years of public service experience do you possess?
    A- 1-2 yrs
    B- 2-6yrs
    C- 6-15yrs
    D- 15+yrs

9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)
______________________________

______________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
    A- 1-2 years
    B- 2-6 years
    C- 6-15 years
    D- 15+years

11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
    A- Why not
    B- Of Course
    C- Definitely
    D- I deny it all
    E- I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)
    A- 100-500 Crores
    B- 500-1000 Crores
    C- Overflow
13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
    A- No
    B- No
    C- No
    D- No 14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
    [_____________________] Issued in public interest by Election Commission of India.

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February 24, 2010

Technologically Challenged!!! (Motivation)

Posted by

Animesh Kumar to itsAnimesh's posterous!!!

Just in case you think you are TC ("Technologically Challenged"), the following is an excerpt from an article in the Wall Street Journal:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later, a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

4. A Dell technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

5. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the tech discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

6. Yet another Dell customer called to complain his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

7. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer," The user had tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

8. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened," The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

9. Another customer called Compaq Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What Power switch?"

10. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with that disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in.," The user hadn't realized "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

THERE NOW, DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER!!!

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February 24, 2010

Overload....

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February 24, 2010

Innocent Baby Handling Crush!

Mein tumhe bhulne ti bahut toshish kalta hu, pa ta kalu mummy loz badam khila deti H aul tumhali yaad phir aa jati hai !! :)

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Filed under // sms

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February 24, 2010

Assassin Interview !

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, Kill Her!!!

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.” The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

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February 23, 2010

Corporate Culture - Job Performance !

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February 23, 2010

Drinking Problem !

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February 23, 2010

COLLEGE KE DIN !

Once again go into the flashback and cherish those memorable days. (COLLEGE KE DIN)

1. On being Late:

"Kab shuru hui class?"

"Attendance ho gayi kya??"

"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"

"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu......... bolna ....... kal kya
padaya tha isne"

"Ek page de na.......... abey pen bhi to de, nahi to kisse
likhunga......."

" koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"

"wo bhi iss class ke liye "

2. During the lecture:

"Yesss!!!! Sirrr.......The answer is

........huuuummmmm.......aaaaaaaa............."

"No sir.....I know the answer ......sir...."

"Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai"

"Abe lecture ko maar goli..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........"

"Uski tshirt pe kya likha hai dekh"

"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha kya.......gadha......."

"Kya bore kar raha hai. Bola tha canteen chalte hain .."

"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go now!!!"

3. Lab:

"Expt. 2 likha??"

"last time tu aaya the kya?""

"Karna kya hai??"

"Yeh bhai.....merko pata hota to tere pass kyon aata........"

"Areee tu to bura maan gaya .......chal dikha na.....bhau kyo kata
hai...."

4. Sessionals Test:

"sessionals test???? ......Aree yaar...... "

"Kya....... abe unit test mein itna sara topic hai to final mein kya
hoga...."

"Oye Chashmish kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi
aaya to mein pakka fail...."

After test......

"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na ....... Canteen
chalega..." SAHI !!

5. For attendance

"I was in the class, attendence bolna bhool gaya "

"Oye usko thoda khush kar list se tera naam hata dega........"

"Bola tha proxy regularly maar........ Saale tera class karne ka kya
faida hua....."

6. Late submission of assignments:

" Maine us ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein
submit kar dena"

"Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya........"

"They should allow XEROX........sala system hi kharab hai "

7 . After exam:

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya? Shitt..."

"kya bol raha hai yaar..aise karna tha kya"

"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2.......
Gaya..........fail pakka......."

"Yaar notice lagte hi hata dena........wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh
kar......"

8 . VIVA (b4 exam):

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"

"Aeee.......Akash.....terese kya kya poocha....mood kaisa hai.."

"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."

"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak
preparation nahi hui hai"

9 . Submission:

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"

"kaat kaat ke likh le...kaon padhta hai"

"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"

"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......."

"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"

10 .Copying Assignments:

"Ye tune kya likha hai????"

(The best one)

"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha
hai uska drawing nikal"

"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"

" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar."

"Koi hint........"

"Are baba ghaseet de........na tu samjega na wo........"

12. Exam:

"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai
woh NAHI aata hai" ..VERY VERY TRUE !!

"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai yaar....to ab kya poochenge"

"ye last time hi poochha thaa......is baar nahi aana chahiye"

"tere paas is ke notes hai??"

"Neend aa rahi mujhe to...thodi der so jata hoo..utha diyo pakka"

"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks
the story)"

"nahi samjha to rat le" - PERFECT ONE

"Iss paper mein roll number ke kya order hai........"

"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........."
I AGREE !! !!

This one is dedicated to all my friends:

"bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai

Aaj har wo din jeene ko man karta hai.

kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain

kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain.

abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai

Dopahar ki class mein aakhein band karne ko man karta hai.

Doston ke room ki wo baatein yaad aati hai

exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak yaad aati hai,

college ke paas Jaggi ka dhabe ki yaad aati hai

tab ki bekar lagne wali photos chehre pe hasi laati hai.

Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai.

Par tumhari galti dekhne ka ab bhi mann karta hai.

Ek aisi subah uthne ka mann karta hai

bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai.

bas ek bar aur

wapas lautne ka man karta hai."

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February 23, 2010

Exam Questions and Humorous Answers

Exam Questions and Humorous Answers

Rather than admit defeat in the face of tricky questions, some pupils decide take a more creative approach to their answers during exams. After scouring exam papers and speaking to teachers, humorist Richard Benson has collected the worst student howlers in a new book. You'll wonder whether to laugh or cry - check this out...